Considering becoming a surrogate mother? Wonder if it will be all laughter and joy? Read on for a necessary dose of reality before you continue on this journey by learning about the bad things about surrogacy.
Talk to a surrogate mother about her surrogate pregnancy and she is likely to tell you about all of the benefits and how wonderful it is to experience gestational surrogacy. Rarely will they delve into the bad things about surrogacy – at least not without prompting. But, trust me, the surrogacy journey is not always perfect.
Ok, first off, let me say that the majority of surrogacy journeys go off without a hitch. The intended parents and the surrogate mother get along great. The birth happens without complication and the result is a health, beautiful baby (or two). The surrogate mother is filled with a sense of accomplishment and the intended parents are filled with love and gratitude. Everyone is happy and all is right with the world. However, this is not the case for every surrogate pregnancy.
So, what are some of the bad things about surrogacy:
Many intended parents go the route of finding a surrogate mother in order to increase their odds of a successful In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) pregnancy. However, having a surrogate mother does not mean that this will be guaranteed. Transfers sometimes fail. Once. Twice. Three or Four times. Sometimes they never take and the intended parents must part ways with the potential surrogate mother. When this happens it is usually an emotional blow to everyone involved. The surrogate mother may feel as though she has failed. The intended parents have spent a substantial amount of money only to go home empty handed. And, more often than not, everyone is too discouraged to try again.
Miscarriage or Birth Defects
Even when you use a surrogate mother, things can go wrong with the pregnancy. It is a sad fact, but miscarriages and birth defects can happen to anyone. Not every surrogate pregnancy will result in a healthy baby.
Multiples and Preemies
When you pair up assisted reproductive techniques with a surrogate who is already able to conceive unassisted, chances are the surrogate pregnancy may result in multiples. And whenever a mother is carrying multiples, the risks of premature birth increase. Sometimes, micro preemies are born with developmental challenges; not all of them survive.
Sometimes, the issues that are faced are not even physical. Sometimes they arise because of communication and emotions. Two common reasons for “falling outs” are:
- Misrepresentation on the part of either the surrogate mother or the intended parents
- The development of unexpected emotions, such as jealousy and resentment – usually on the part of the intended parents.
Whatever the cause, these clashes are capable of ruining the relationship between the surrogate mother and the intended parents. In some situations, the surrogate mother may even forbid the intended parents from attending such momentous occasions as ultrasound appointments and the birth.
The most common of the bad things about pregnancy involves compensation. In some cases, the intended parents may delay compensation or even cancel the contract altogether after the child’s birth. This (of course) is likely to have very negative results.
Another financial concern is how the intended mother will deal with medical bills after the child has arrived. Sometimes this is merely an oversight. However, other times, the intended parent does not uphold their end of the bargain and the surrogate mother is left to cover the costs of the medical bills on her own. In this case, she will either have to pay the bills herself or risk her credit being damages.
Preventing a Bad Journey
So what can you do to help make a surrogate pregnancy run more smoothly? The best thing to do is to take things slowly – especially when it comes to finding the perfect match. Be completely open and honest with each other and with yourself. If you have a high level of honesty, communication, and respect between yourself and the other people involved, things will go more smoothly and the result will be the birth of a happy, healthy baby.